Five years ago today we said goodbye to my beautiful Merlin Mc Tavish….he was my boy my soft cuddly gentle little man who never raised a paw in anger..

When I first met Tav (as we always ended up calling him) he was lucky to be six weeks old two kids came to our door and asked if he and his sister were ours..i said no and to come back if they couldn’t find where they came from..they came back the next day and said they were allowed to keep one kitten because they couldn’t find their owners..i said I will take one and they asked which one and I chose Tav..well he chose me..he had a huge tummy from a bad worm burden and he looked scruffy and dirty and meowed quietly but his engine was on full purr.He also had a bad leg and it appeared he may have been attacked by something and he had a big scab with an ulcer underneath…

We took him to the vets and the poor little thing was in a bad way..he needed antibiotics due to his worm burden taking it’s toll on his little tummy and he needed worming..badly..he had some shots and home he came.His  leg healed well which was a blessing as it was a mess.

Weeks he was on antibiotics but it did not stop him giving Simba a run for his money (who was about four or five months older at this time) and our old girl Squash just sniffed him and ignored him.

Merlin spent his days with me..gaining a tummy from weight not worms and I became besotted with him.

This little guy grew so well and with occasional bouts of tummy infections popping up he was back to the vets every now and then but took it all in his stride.

We had him desexed vacc’d and he was a member of the family that had everyone in his spell.

He was after all named after the master magician 🙂

Merlin was the most gentle cat I have ever met…he was a smoocher and was happy pottering in our back yard and lying under the maple trees watching the world go by..he had a thing about shoes…if there was an odd pair near the door..ones he had not seen before he would leap over them to get idea why..he just did…when he slept with me at night he had to have his head tucked right under my chin.if I rolled over he followed and tucked his head right back under my boy my sweet Tav….

We had a feral turn up one day and he beat the daylights out of Merlin right in our backyard in front of us..he was a mess..this feral raked his head almost to bone..straight to the vets we went…poor baby was in a bad way…we fixed him up but were unaware of the chain of events..still a bit naïve to Feline Aids we were..

It was about a year later that he developed and just kept recurring..he would get antibiotics and then back it would come..i knew by now as I had immersed myself in Volunteer work at a shelter that this was possibly much more than an abscess issue but an immune issue..i took him to our vet and said  can you test him do you think he has aids? The vet sadi we will test him I think it may be..

The phone call I received confirmed my worst Tav had Feline aids ..I was shattered.

How could I have been so naïve..

We did everything we could for my boy..his diet changed (it was a good diet but we needed to add extra fro him) we had him on homeopathics and kept on top of any bugs he got.The vets and I decided to ceases yearly vacs as he didn’t need more bug in his system and was an indoor cat now anyway.

We had Merlin for five years from diagnosis he was happy just spending his days with us inside chilling or in his enclosure on his hammock watching the world go by..if I called him in from the enclosure and he didn’t respond my heart would stop…he just wanted to sit there…naughty boy..he slept with his head up under my chin and if he stopped purring my heart would stop..i dreaded losing him..reality was we had to make the choice for him.

So five years ago on this day I looked at my boy ..I am crying just typing this… he looked at me and I said it’s time Tavvie..I can’t hold onto you for my sake anymore…you can let me go my sweet boy..

My heart broke..we stayed with him our vet let us be with him as long as we wanted..i didn’t want to leave him…hubby and I felt broken…

But the truth is he was tired,he was eating but because he had to ..his coat had lost it’s black sheen and was not as soft as it used to be..he was trying to keep going for us..and with hindsight I would have said goodbye sooner but we had lost Simba in the September and my heart just couldn’t deal with it….

Tav I miss you my sweet would be sixteen now,you were my funny little man…your little white patch of fluff like a pair of bikini pants, your silent meow, your huge purr engine,your brown summer suit of fur you would get as the days got warmer,your gentleness with the foster kittens we had around all the time and most of all your soft head nestled under my chin at night…I know you are with Simba and snuggling like the yin yang you both used too…we will meet again my sweet Tav but for now the worlds a little less soft because you are no longer in it….

Mum xxxx



38 thoughts on “MONDAY MEMORIES

  1. Oh his little bikini bottom is so cute. He sounds like a wonderful boy. I didn’t know him but I feel like I did from reading this and I miss him for you. I’m glad you have your wonderful memories of him, he was beautiful. I’ll keep you in my thoughts today 🙂


    • Thanks so much Ruby 🙂 he was such a sweet boy…and bless his bikini pants..funny Cleo has the same pants and she has qualities like Merlin and Simba…I have wonderful memories of him..for some reason this year I really feel it..shall sit in the sun and imagine him leaping shoes 🙂


  2. As Nylablue would say, I have leaky eyes! Tav reminds me of Ra. Ra was a panther too, and he always slept on me and every early morning he could curl up inside my right arm and reach his paw out and touch my lips or chin. There was an occasional prick with this but I knew he was just holding my face. After he passed from cancer (I had to make the decision too) for a while I would still feel a little prick on my lips when half asleep in the mornings. He would have been 16 this year too.
    You’re a pawesome Mum Bev, and I’m sure he is still with you curled up under your chin! Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


    • Thanks Julianne..he is so missed..he just had that gentleness..i haven’t had a visit from him wish I did..the only baby to ever visit was Simba in my dream..he was here and happy and I knew we had made the right decision to buy this house….I imagine Tav to be curled up here under a tree watching Bunnies..he bought a baby bunny to the door of our old house..he carried it like a kitten..he bought it inside and gently put it on the was still alive and unharmed in anyway..we took it to the paddocks down the road..i really hope he is tucked up with me at night ..bless his cottons :0 and I am sure Ra is with you too 🙂 You are a pretty awesome mum yourself 😉 Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr xx


      • Thanks Bev! Apollo is Ra’s reincarnation. It was amazing the day I brought Apollo home how he knew where he was, was familiar with the house, did all the particular things Ra did as a kitten, and he was glued to me. Oh, and he definitely came tumbling over his litter mates to plaster himself on the glass when I walked by his window at the pet rescue. He saw me coming and knew I was his Mama. There is so much more to tell, but I know he is Ra come back.
        p.s. Can you keep a secret? I heard from a little fairy that Santa Paws is having the elves make a special stuffie Holly and Boo! Can’t wait until Xmas morning!


        • So glad your Ra came back….Cleo was already with us when we lost Simba and Merlin but she is such a combo of the two..adventurous like Simba and a great hunter…but so smoochy like Merlin…I will see him again I know just not here..of course Dinnermintz is always chasing fairies in the house so I am sure he is around and she can see him..she is also another real smoochy and loving girl..funny none of the cats will stay in the bed with me for the night..maybe Tav is giving them the shove 😉 and I can keep a secret!! how exciting hahahaah 🙂 hugs Bev xxx


  3. Yow Aunti Bev me n Mum haz da leeky eyez here…in fact Mum haz wet all over her cheekz…as me read diz tributte to yer Merlin McTavish me thought what wuud Mum rite about me when da time comez?? Den it hit me how close me waz to goin away..mousiez….den it hit me just HOW MUCH ya Hu’manz LUB us 4 neber knew such LUB n neither did Tav til he waz wif ya…we sendz purrz n *paw patz* n (((HUGZ))) to ya n we hopez sumhow all da guud memoreez keep ya frum havin wet cheekz like Mum…butt if ya doez get leeky eyz n wet cheekz we nose dey are tearz of LUB n doez tearz are pure n guud n bittysweet….no wait bittersweet iz what me meanz…oh Aunti me n Mum wishez we were dere to comfert ya….me will say a purrayer to KATGOD to ease yer sadz ok??
    Much lub Nylablue n Mum too ❤ ❤


    • Thankyou sweet Nylablue and poor old drippy mum…I got all drippy to and took me awhile to get my happy back on..but I know Tav is not in pain or wasting away and I do know I will see him again..we all kow our time with our 4 leggeds is limited..we know that when we take them into our hearts..we push it aside when times are good always knowing that some day they will leave us..but I would rathe have all the pain and sadness than to live without the love of my four legged family..the tears are bitty sweet 😉 but they are full of love were sweet Nylablue but it does look like you will get to have your birthday if the powers that be allow you to continue with your current health..thankyou fo your hugs and loves and I do feel comforted 🙂 hugs and love to you and mum Aunti Bev xxx


      • Eeeoww Aunti bev me n drippy Mum are glad ya were able to get thru da day n come out on da other side….Life IZ bitty sweet…Mum haz told me many storeyz dat are bittysweet n me understandz da happy n sad of fingz…Mum told me she LUBBED Mingflower as much as she lubbed her Niece n maybee more….butt she said she had da best life wif Mingflower n she wuud not trade it fer anyfing in da werld….she said it iz da same iwf me. She sayz no matter how many tearz she haz shed all over me she iz bery bery bery happy n greatfull dat we found each other n she wuud not trade me fer 22 healthy kittehz even!!!
        Izn’t LUB gran Aunti???
        Much Lub frum me Nylablue xxx


          • Bery Grand Aunti…me n Mum haz a lub affair goin on dat will last furever….she haz Mingflower’z ash box here n we sit wif it on da couch n she tellz me storiez. Me finkz one day she will sit wif her new kitteh wif me ash box n Mingy’z n tell da new kitteh storiez….me nose now she will NEVER ferget me…. ❤


    • Thank you so much Scottie Mom..i know he is in a better place..miss him but can still smile when I think of his antics and his funny squeaky little silent meow 🙂 Love an hugs Fozziemum xx


  4. We are sure your blessed sweet boy is with you this time of year and sending love and gentle purrs. They are gone but never forgotten. They are always in our hearts.
    Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly.


    • Thank you so much you well know they do stay with us..and the fun memories out weigh any sadness eventually..i have had a lovely day with the furbabies and I hope your day is also wonderful.
      Loves and hugs Fozziemum xx


  5. Oh you made mum and I cry. One of the cats in mum’s mums furfamily has feline aids too, luckily he is responding well to his medicine but he gets extra treats and cuddles all the same. Tav looks like a pawesome feline in the photo =^.^=


    • Oh Bailey don’t you and mum cry..Merlin had 11 wonderful years with us that he may not have had if we had not met is a horrible disease and another reason we need to stop the stray problem with kitties..they fight for everything and this disease spreads..we caught the feral and I took him to our shelter..he had a collar imbedded around his waist!! he had been someones once….poor thing he was a beautiful silver tabby..but he was completetly feral with no chance of rehoming and of course Feline Aids..he at least was sent to the rainbow bridge with care and respect at the shelter…I am glad mum’s mum’s kitty is responding well..they do respond well with good meds and diet and of course cuddles. He was my world and we will meet again I am sure.Hugs to you and mum Bailey and thankyou again xxxxx Fozziemum


  6. Teary here. But how lucky you all were to have found each other. And Merlin was one of the lucky kitties. He had a family that loved and respected him right to the very end. All kitties should be so lucky. My wish is that all kitties could be loved and respected right to the very end. Hugs to you Fozzimum.


  7. bev…havent been online since late friday here but wanted to say this is a beautiful post for merlin. we both know it wasnt really good bye, just…til I see you again in heaven. merlin is a beautiful cat…and you know he is not really…gone…just coz you cant see him doesnt mean he isnt…here…as he lives on in your heart and memory until you actually “do” see him again. you know if he could speak, he would say thanx mum….for everything….and I love you too



    • Thanks so much Laura….I know he is with me..and it is just the physical missing them that gets to you…the fur the little wet nose kisses..and I hope he has a sweet spot over the Rainbow Bridge for me…plan on heading that way..think all the good souls will be there 🙂 Thank you again for your lovely words..for some reason this year I really miss my Merlin McTavish 🙂 loves and hugs Bev xx


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